In the science-fiction chiller “Splice,” Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley play the stupidest scientists on the planet. Sure, they have the brain power to create blobby creatures from the DNA of several animals, and they’re able to splice human genes with those of a pig, chicken, velociraptor, Swamp Thing, etc.

But man, these people need to be wiped from the gene pool. As an act of pure hubris, Clive and Elsa decide to mess with the universe and create a human-animal hybrid that ages rapidly and wields a venomous tail. Then, even after the raging infant nearly kills one of them, they decide to raise the thing like a child.

Dumbest. Decision. Ever.

Elsa has weird mommy issues, and Clive frequently jumps between loving the thing and trying to drown the bald monster in the sink.

For a while, “Splice” entertains despite the inconsistent logic of our so-called “genius” protagonists. Then things get weird, and Clive and Elsa do things that NO person could do, like EVER.

Let’s just say the audience is treated to two instances of Inter-Species Erotica. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!

There are multiple scenes in “Splice” where Clive and Elsa listen to music while working. Too bad TLC’s “Waterfalls” never comes on. The whole “sex with mutants” thing would’ve never happened.

So next time, scientists, remember these words:

“Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls,
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.
I know that you’re gonna have it your way or nothing at all,
but I think you’re moving too fast.”

Grade: C

Josh Miller takes on the third installment of "The Twilight Saga"

As of this writing it’s the fourth highest grossing film of 2010, yet holds a 4.8 on imdb and a 50% on Rotten Tomatoes. No matter how hard they try, critics can’t stop this franchise. I found the first two films abysmal in almost every way, but I did feel "New Moon" fleshed out the characters a bit more than the first film.

With that said, "Eclipse" stands as the best film in the series…But that’s not to say it’s particularly good.

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) are now officially a couple and Bella is determined to have Edward change her into a vampire after graduation. Edward, meanwhile, is determined to have Bella marry him. Bella’s father Charlie (Billy Burke) wants Bella to spend less time with Edward and more time with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who feels Bella is in love with him and would be making a mistake letting Edward change her.

While the film’s main focus is the love triangle between the three, the plot this time revolves around Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard, replacing a no-name actress) assembling an army of vampires to seek revenge on the Cullen clan.

The latest director to tackle the franchise, David Slade, handles this material much better than his predecessors, particularly the action scenes, but he also reinforces my opinion that no director could make this dreck convincing.

Slade achieves in the film’s main battle scene what Catherine Hardwicke and Chris Weitz failed to in their films, which is achieve a genuine sense of excitement and suspense even. Ah hell, it’s an entertaining scene. Slade achieves something unheard of in directing one of these films, but even he can’t overcome the poor script and insipid dialogue.

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